Life has been weird on me. 

I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m so bipolar with everything and everyone around me. I think differently and act differently. I think it’s my search for independence that’s making me feel this way. 

I currently have a lot of things to deal with, but I try not to complain because I put this all on myself. At least I’ve finally learned to ask for help. Maybe now, things won’t be so hard on me. I know i’d be able to get all of my things done, it’s the lack of motivation that gets to me. 

I love my company, and I love being company commander. I love the feeling of my cadets going “Hi commander!” or when I’m sick everyone messaging me saying “I hope you feel better commander!” But there are just those certain kids, those urking, annoying, disrepectful kids that makes me forget about all of the good things about this job. I almost lost all hope and motivation, but now I feel stupid for letting everyone down. I’ll be better from now on, I promise.

I know you guys hate me, and I really shouldn’t care, but I actually do. It’s actually on my mind a lot, so congratulations, your hate has gotten to me. Maybe it’s because i’m not used to having people genuinely hate me. It sucks, but I know I deserve it. You’re really cool people though, I’m actually envious of a few of your qualities. It just sucks that you hate me so much.

And you. I don’t hate you, you don’t hate me, and I’m happy that we’re okay. I’ll never get over anything I did to you, nor will I ever forgive myself, even though you always tell me to. Everything is different and it’s weird, but I’m going to just have to get used to this. Time heals all wounds. I can’t wait for the day when we can finally be friends again and have all of the adventures that we once talked about. “Go to the moon!”